Meryl needed housing and joined forces with a friend to rent an apartment out of necessity. It was not the plan. The plan was to move into a tiny house which she would finance by selling her single-family home. The tiny house she ordered also had a rental unit.But the builder of the tiny home scammed her. 

The Scam

She writes, as “I was about to close on my house and was looking for a contractor. I found a contractor, told him my needs, budget, etc. He said he could have it built in less than a year. I also needed to find land with which he offered to help. I gave him a large deposit, per the contract. Naively, I didn’t ask for anyone’s advice or assistance except my brother, Jeff, who spoke to the contractor on the phone and said he seemed ok. I had looked at a couple of the houses he had built locally which made me feel reassured. Found land (never closed on it fortunately).

He gave me regular “progress reports” on buying the materials. The home company was in Ukraine. When Russia attacked Ukraine he assured me there would be no problem receiving shipments. Time went on and I got suspicious. My brother talked to him and his partner on the phone. My brother asked all the right questions, realized they never ordered anything, probably spent the money, and got me a lawyer. The partner quit the next day. My lawyer told me a woman had already filed against him for the same thing. He scammed a great many people, including an ex-FBI agent (so I didn’t feel like a complete moron). The company was legitimate-the one in Ukraine. I did research them. It was like a franchise. He scammed a lot of people much more savvy than me. He was good.There were a couple of warrants out for his arrest and they did finally catch and try him in Asheville, I don’t know the outcome. Oh, did I mention he was a former pastor?”

Beyond the Scam

So there was no tiny house for her. She did sue and got some of her money back. “I  decided to invest instead of building or buying”. She still needed a place to live.  

Meryl is an artist and active in her community. She had already arranged to rent the unit that was to be part of the build to a younger artist.. They knew they’d be compatible. Meryl says “I’m pretty picky about how I want to live, and I really didn’t want to live with a stranger.” 

They found an apartment in a complex of nine buildings on the east side of town.  It’s a high to mid-middle range rental situation with nice grounds. The apartment has two bedrooms and two full baths, a kitchen, living room and a balcony. The bedrooms are separated by the kitchen and living room, and balcony so they each have private space. They’ve been living together for two years. The lease is up next year and when that happens her housemate plans to move out. 

She says her housemate is out of the house about fifty percent of the time because she has a partner and has a job.  Meryl’s past experience of shared housing was two different housemates. One was good and one was bad. She says, “I really would prefer living alone, but it’s really worked out well with this housemate. It’s been very good. We’re not in each other’s faces. …She spends more time in her room. I spend more time in the living room.” 

 Food and Cleaning

“Our food is independent; sometimes we share meals, but we’re pretty autonomous. We shop for ourselves. Since she’s out more often, we cook and eat together rarely, but it’s nice when we do. We just take turns buying any staples or cat food/litter. It’s really easy.”

Meryl says she does most of the cleaning. She says. “We’re really respectful of each other. We don’t entertain a lot, actually not much at all. We’re just respectful of each other’s space and need for quiet or whatever. Her housemate’s boyfriend never sleeps over in the house. She says,  “I’m not a super social person but if either of use wanted to entertain we would just have a conversation about it.”

 Furniture

“I had a bunch of stuff because I was leaving a big house, the majority of the furniture here is mine. She has some personal items. When we moved in, I even had a bed for her.”  She says, “At some point. I wanted to change up the living room and I made sure she liked what I had done… We’ve had no issues. We’ve been very lucky that way, maybe there’s something in the division of chores but every time I have a little nit I think to myself,  ‘oh it’s not so bad’ and neither of us like conflict so we avoid it.”  Meryl continues, “I make sure she’s not dealing with my mess. She makes sure I’m not dealing with her mess. As grown-ups, we understand what needs to happen.”

 Reflections on Home Sharing 

“I was really concerned about having a roommate. I’m such an introvert.  But I find it really comfortable.  It’s nice to have someone here. I’m really surprised that I’ve enjoyed it.” She says, “We’ve talked about the future. Maybe I’d live in some female community.  That option is not off the table. I have a friend with rental property and an Airbnb. I do like the autonomy of my own space but having a friend upstairs seems like the kind of perfect thing.”

“Older women today are exploring community living with either other women or just like-minded people. It can be more affordable and offer a feeling of security, knowing everyone’s watching out for each other. There has been a growing number of articles about community living. Like a 55# community but with a group of friends and not in an apartment complex.”

When she was asked what she would say to someone considering shared housing she said, “Go for it!  Have more than one interview, go out for a drink or something.  Set guidelines. Get to know each other well enough and then it’s a no-brainer.” 

Commentary

Do you notice the ambivalence in Meryl’s account… on one hand she does not plan to live in shared housing when her current housemate moves out, on the other, she likes living in shared housing and encourages others (you!) to consider it. And that’s simply the truth. It’s easy to be ambivalent about shared housing. What is current is known, the future is unknown and therefore feels risky.

Also notice that there’s no story, no drama to make a story, in the two of them living together. It just works. The most interesting part of this post is the story of the scam – where something bad happened and what the consequences were. And that’s the reality of shared housing, we only hear stories when something bad happens. Good housemate stories are boring. Got a boring story?

Here’s a person who didn’t realize she was sharing housing: The Dog Caused the Home Share