In the process of interviewing a new housemate, questions regarding cleaning preferences are some of the most important to ask. If there is a big mismatch in how laidback or strict housemates are about keeping common areas clean, it could make for a less-than-ideal living situation.
A messy space can be stress-inducing. But, a home (or housemate) that is overly neat and tidy could also be stressful. You want to feel relaxed in your house, not like someone is following you with a broom and dustpan, ready to sweep every stray crumb or hair from the floor.
For the home seeker, it is important during the interview process to take a look at the space you’ll be occupying with a critical eye. How tidy are the common areas?
It’s also perfectly reasonable to ask the homeowner if the kitchen and living room are in their usual state, or neater than usual. How much tidying up was done before you came over?
Interviewing and Asking about Cleaning Preferences
During the interview process it is also worthwhile to ask specific questions such as:
- What is your favorite household chore?
- What is your least favorite household chore?
- How often do you do laundry? Vacuum? Dust? Mop?
- Are you OK with leaving dishes in the sink overnight?
- What are your big pet peeves and must dos, when it comes to cleaning?
You and your homemate’s cleaning preferences and styles don’t have to completely overlap; in fact, some difference can be helpful. Let’s say one homemate hates taking out the trash, but loves to mop. You can assign chores based on people’s natural inclinations. If you, the home seeker, are coming into a multi-person household then there may already be a set schedule and rotation of household chores.
If it is a small household of just two or three persons, there may not be the need assign specific chores. I’ve lived in situations like this before, where from day-to-day the space was maintained by each person cleaning up after themselves. Whenever one of us felt that something like the kitchen floor or behind the toilet needed deeper cleaning, we would either take it on by ourselves or bring it up with the other household members and ask for everyone to pitch in.
Not a Binary Distinction
There isn’t necessarily a clear binary between clean and messy.
It’s the rare human that is a complete slob or neatnik–most of us fall somewhere in the middle. Even the most diligent chore-completers occasionally have an extra busy workweek, and leave a couple of dishes in the sink overnight or let their laundry hamper overflow.
The key is to communicate with our housemates about everyone’s personal cleanliness standards and adjust our habits so that we can share the space in a way that makes everyone comfortable.
There is also, I believe, an important distinction between “messy” and “dirty.” The word messy suggests clutter; the word “dirty” connotes viscerally disgusting and unsanitary. A little bit of ‘messiness,’ for most people, is tolerable. But, no one wants to live in a space (nor should they have to tolerate a space) with homemates that are filthy.
I almost never let my bedroom become cluttered–I’m good about putting things in an assigned place. But clutter doesn’t bother me, as long as it’s contained; I’m able to ignore things like a stack of magazines pushed to the side of the table or a pile of jackets on an armchair. In my experience, a shared house is almost never spotless, and that’s ok! I prefer a space that feels lived-in, not like a hotel room.
Pet Peeves
As for pet peeves and communication: I used to live with my friend Millie, who was insistent on keeping the sponge on the edge of the sink, next to the soap dish. Before moving in with Mille, I’d honestly never paid any attention to sponges. In the sink, next to the sink, under the sink–I couldn’t care less, as long as I could find the sponge whenever I need to wash dishes. But since I knew this was her pet peeve, I got in the habit of putting the sponge “where it belonged” next to the soap dish, because I knew she preferred it.
And, though I fall on the “neat and tidy” end of the spectrum, I am certainly not perfect and especially prone to forgetting the bathroom– homemates occasionally have to remind me to wipe the bathroom sink or squeegee the excess water from the tiles after I shower.
Many Hands Make Light Work
Ideally, keeping your home in order shouldn’t be complicated and, in fact, living with other people can actually make it much easier–”many hands make light work,” as they say. Living alone, it’s easy to let old magazines pile up and seldom-used appliances gather dust. But homemates make it that much harder for household areas and items to fall into neglect. If everyone pitches in, it can also make it affordable to hire a professional cleaning service to come through once a month, or quarterly, to do a deep clean.
And, of course, there is the ever-helpful internet, which is a wellspring of tips and tricks. Especially this time of year–along with all the seasonal articles regarding tax preparation and gardening are tips from “cleaning experts”–everything from oft-neglected household areas https://www.npr.org/2025/03/23/nx-s1-5332246/spring-cleaning-tips to how to teach yourself tidiness and good habits https://www.washingtonpost.com/home/2023/11/29/learn-to-be-tidy-organi
Here’s some more thoughts on housemates and cleaning. Messy Housemates, Uncluttered and Clean.
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