I ask most every homeowner I encounter–whether they be co-workers, friends, or members of my extended family–if they’d ever consider renting out the extra room(s) in their home. I’m fascinated by the wide diversity of responses I get to the question. Every individual has a unique personal history that informs their attitude about living with another person, who is not a spouse or family member.
New Home Owner
My friend Shane was someone in particular that I reached out to recently, to ask his thoughts about shared housing. I knew Shane had mentioned several past living situations which were shared, in which he was the homeseeker and tenant. Now, he’s a homeowner; he purchased a single-story ‘fixer upper’ last year.
Out of curiosity, I asked Shane if he’d consider sharing his current house. It’s small, but with enough space for two people: two large sun-filled bedrooms, one full bathroom, an open kitchen and a large finished basement.
Shane doesn’t plan to search for a homemate any time soon, but he still gave the matter some careful thought and said that yes, maybe he’d rent out the extra room at some point in the future, once he finished painting and installing new floors. It would be nice to have extra income to put toward his monthly mortgage payment. But, it would definitely have to be someone he was comfortable with: “I mean, this house is small! Especially since there’s only one bathroom.” We agreed that another half bath, at least, would make the space much more desirable to a potential tenant.
“How much does it cost to put in an additional bathroom?” I asked–having never been a homeowner, I had no idea.
“A lot. I don’t think it would be worth it, honestly.”
Ultimately, any hypothetical home-sharer would need to be someone who took the same amount of care and pride in their space that Shane himself does. “We would have to be on the same page about…well, about all sorts of things. You know how big I am on chores and tasks and making sure the house and yard are in good shape.”
Like I said, Shane doesn’t plan to have a homemate anytime soon. But I appreciated his participation in the thought experiment. Inherent in his answers to my questions were a clear sense of what he values–a clean, functional, well-cared for household. He also touched on one of the big benefits of a shared house–that someone would be there to collect mail, mow the lawn, and keep an eye on things if he was out of town for a few days.
At some point during our conversation Shane also said, “it would have to be a mutually beneficial situation.”
“Mutually Beneficial Situation.” Ding ding ding! This is what shared housing is all about!
Every home is different, and every situation is different–but, I firmly believe that most any house can provide a comfortable living arrangement that benefits multiple people. But, living under the same roof with others takes careful deliberation and an extensive selection process, to make sure that all parties have similar ways of living and like and respect one another.
Big House – After Divorce
A contrast is my former neighbor and friend Jay. When Jay and I first crossed paths several years ago in our tight-knit Baltimore neighborhood, he was recently divorced and living by himself (with two pet dachshunds) in the multi-story three bedroom home that he and his wife had purchased. Jay has always lived by himself or with a romantic partner; the idea of homesharing struck him as strange and unappealing.
I knew this because I lived a few blocks away with a homemate (who was also the homeowner) named Kara. “She gets help with her mortgage, I pet-sit her dog when she goes out of town, it’s a win-win!” I would tell Jay. And then I would gently tease him about his gigantic house.
“Don’t you get lonely?” I would ask him. “Don’t you think it would be nice to have a friendly face to pitch in with household chores and watch the dogs when you go out of town? Kara and I get along great!”
“I need my space!” Jay always replied.
“This much space!?!? Those extra rooms are collecting dust!”
Jay took my teasing well, and always ribbed me right back. “You think everyone should just live with strangers, huh? That’s the solution to every single problem society has…”
Well, yeah–I do sort of think that. Shared housing is a wonderful practice that relieves both loneliness and financial pressure (to name just two benefits). The more shared housing, the better! I think society, and our economy, would be better off for it.
However, Jay was right to push back on my single-mindedness. Everyone is different. Some people truly do prefer living alone. Jay went out most nights of the week to socialize with friends. Home was a peaceful space where he could unwind, relax and recharge. He did also eventually sell his house and downsize to a two-bedroom apartment.
Attitudes Can Change
Shared housing is not for everyone…or is it?
It’s certainly not for everyone at every stage of life. But, whenever I encounter a homeowner who protests that “oh, I could never live with anyone else,” or tells me that they had a terrible roommate experience, years ago, and could never do it again, I do enjoy gently playing Devil’s Advocate. Sure, they may enjoy living alone now, but what if circumstances change? Once they retire and don’t get regular socialization at work, and it becomes harder to keep up with household maintenance, wouldn’t it be nice to have some other people around?
It can be hard to make the leap to shared housing, if you’ve never had personal experience doing so. That’s part of why we present so many different stories on the blog here at Shared Housing. A comfortable, ‘mutually beneficial’ situation, and compatible homemate, is out there! But it does take a thorough selection process. We provide you with the tools to do so.
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