How I Found My New Housemate

My new housemate moves in at the beginning of April!  I’ve been preparing for this since September 2023, so it’s taken a while. And because of a bad knee that needed surgery, I couldn’t really start on the needed and desired renovations until April of ’24. I’ve written about the plan and the renovations.  The project is so close to completion that at the end of February I decided that an April 1 move-in date was realistic and started planning a focused effort to find a housemate.

Friends of Friends

All along I have been telling people that I’m looking for a housemate. My idea is that the best housemates come from friends of friends of friends. So I was telling everyone I know.

One friend thought maybe her good friend who was looking for a place to live might be a good fit. I invited them to lunch in the house. When I saw her friend negotiating with care the steps from the driveway to the house, I thought, “This is not a good place for her.” During lunch, the friend said she wanted to live more in town with people around. So we mutually agreed it wouldn’t work.

Another friend introduced me to a woman looking for a homeshare. We started to talk and I showed her pictures. When she saw the staircase, she said, “I need to be on one floor.” This was fine with me because as we talked I sensed some red flags.

But other than those two people, I’ve had no serious inquiries through the friends of friends route.

Using Local Social Media

In the first shock of losing my partner, I was determined to have a housemate quickly. I posted my offer (without the big changes that came later) on a local listserv.  Right away there were two interested parties, but each one opted to do something else. Given the state of the rooms that would have been theirs, I think they made the right choice.

Last fall I  posted my housemate announcement in the Facebook group for our town. Though I wasn’t ready, I thought that a potential housemate might want to plan such a move. I had two inquiries, neither of which were a good fit. One of them had four cats. ! I said I could live with two but not four and that was the end of that conversation.

What is it about social media that allows negativity to overwhelm the positive? I didn’t see the comments right away but when alerted to them by friends I finally took a look.They were not great.  Some thought I was charging too much. Others thought the whole idea of shared housing was awful and said so. Sigh. My friends supported me but still.

In both cases, I was startled to realize how many people had seen the announcement. It shows up when people I barely know ask me if I’ve found a housemate yet.

Craigslist

With a bit of worry about it, and wondering, “Oh, is this a good idea?” I posted my announcement on craigslist. I figured I knew how to manage it.  One of the advantages of craigslist is that you are anonymous. Requests are forwarded by the service, and a reply is anonymized. Within 24 hours I had a response from John.(Not his real name.)  John’s email was cogent, well-written and gave me basic facts about himself. No red flags. I wrote back and said a few things about myself including my must-haves and can’t-live-withs. His response made it clear they were okay with him, so we scheduled a telephone call.

Following the Process—Telephone

In that phone call, I learned more about his life and history and why he was looking for shared housing.  His answer fits in beautifully with the minimalist movement.  He just doesn’t want to own anything. Some years ago he sold everything, and wants to keep it that way.  While we are on the telephone, I’m listening to how he talks, what he talks about, how he answers my questions, and what he’s interested in knowing about me, the house, and the location.  The conversation is flowing.   

There was one hiccup on the subject of television. I really don’t like television and don’t watch it. He said, “This might be a deal-breaker.” And then he said, “I like watching sports.”  Well, it happens that sports on TV is one of the two uses that I can stand. I asked what sports he like to watch, it turns out that football and golf are the two sports.  These are exactly what my partner used to watch. Having a game on is great for getting knitting done!

No red flags.

The next step is meeting in person. And if that goes well, then showing the house. Since he isn’t local this will require a flight, rental car and hotel. As we get off the phone he says maybe in two weeks and he’ll be in touch after he makes his plans.

Following the Process—Meeting in Person

We met eleven days later for lunch at my favorite lunch place. I figured I’d know in ten seconds whether I wanted to keep talking to him. It’s well documented that our first impressions are formed within ten seconds. As I was parking I saw someone dressed in a way I truly dislike, and I thought, “Oh I hope that’s not him!”  It wasn’t.

What did we talk about? I can’t remember and didn’t take notes. I suspect we filled out the personal histories that lead us to meeting for lunch. What is true is that he passed the first impression test. He seemed fine and I didn’t encounter any red flags.

Following the Process—Show Space and Check Compatibility

The next step is to show him the physical space. He followed me back to the house.  He loved it, all of it—the house, the location, and the room that would be his. At that time he handed me a copy of a background criminal check done on him in 2022 for me to read. It’s fine.

Then we sat down and worked through the multiple choice questions that are in the Interview Guide. This led us through a conversation about whether we are “compatible enough” to live under the same roof. Aside from his “I can watch anything that’s on television” and my “I don’t want a television in my home” everything else was enough alike to be compatible. But we had talked about the television issue already. By the end of that conversation, we were both feeling pretty good that sharing housing would be okay.

Following the Process—Check References

But of course, I still needed to check references. We spent more time together. He helped me work on my renovation project, and we had several dinners together, including one I organized to have other people meet him and give me their impressions. At one point I said, “Hey you aren’t moving in until I check references.” When we met for dinner the night before he was leaving town he immediately handed me a piece of paper with names and phone numbers. He explained that the delay was making sure that they knew I would be calling. I called all three references the following morning. I heard “reliable,” “pays on time,” “independent,” “really smart,” “honest,” “kind” and  “he’s been a blessing,” Sounds good, eh?

All green lights. No red flags. We shall see. He was prompt with paying first month, last month and a security deposit. The money in my bank account feels really good.

After he moved in I wrote this,  A Smoker, Who Knew?