The recent Halloween holiday–a time when those who celebrate get a good dose of both fun and fright–got me thinking about the concept of the “nightmare housemate.”
Psychologists offer several reasons why it is human nature to love spooky movies and books. It’s cathartic, even enjoyable, to witness horror in a controlled manner and from a safe distance.
Stories of terrible housemates can offer the same salacious thrill as a good ghost story.
The Housemate Hall of Horrors
We’ve all heard these nightmare tales:
The Filthy One: leaves shared spaces in disgusting shape–hair and grime in the bathtub, dirty dishes that sit for days, trash and personal items strewn everywhere
The Loud One: blasts their rock music and talk on speakerphone at Midnight. Their alarm clock blares at 7am, then 7:15am, then 7:30am…and on and on, until they finally get up at 9am.
The Space Hoarder: owns an amount of personal items that spill into every common area–dining room table, entryway, stairwell, and beyond
The Hermit: rarely leaves the house or engages socially with fellow housemates and is generally unpleasant to be around.
If you want a vicarious journey into the terrifying world of bad housing situations, spend some time scrolling through an internet forum titled “Roommate Problems”–which I recently did as research for this blog post.
How Nightmare Housemates Happen.
After clicking through dozens of posts, a few things stood out.
For one, many of the posts came from young people who were just out of college or still enrolled in college. Homesharing at that age is common. And, those situations are often less than ideal. I know from experience!
Not that young people cannot make good housemates, I just know that I was not as good of a homesharer when I was younger, simply because I was less self-aware and had less life experience. Now in my late 30’s I know myself and am much clearer on what I want in a housing situation. I am also much more skilled at communication and navigating interpersonal relationships.
Another through line in these ‘housemate horror’ stories I perused was that an off-site Landlord was often mentioned. In those cases, it seemed like the people sharing the apartment or house didn’t necessarily choose one another. Often, one person left suddenly and left others scrambling to fill the space.
“I had to find someone quickly!” was a phrase that appeared over and over again. Another common refrain was, “he seemed ok…at first.”
Acting out of desperation and choosing someone who “seems” ok on the surface but not doing any further investigation into their past rental history, employment situation, daily habits and household preferences is the path to a less-than-deal or even nightmare scenario.
One poster even said that his roommate was a literal ghost, in that he disappeared without a trace, leaving his possessions behind and his two housemates on the hook for the entirety of the rent and bill payment.
Bad Housemates as the Bogeyman
All of these stories offer drama and intrigue, so of course they spread easily. Seeing hundreds of them online is enough to convince someone that no kind, considerate, reasonably clean and tidy, hygienic or compatible people exist; that letting someone into your home is just asking for trouble.
But for every nightmare story out there, there are plenty of good ones! The people who get along great with their housemates and live in peace and harmony aren’t the ones posting online to vent or ask for advice.
Not all “problem” stories are false, but many arise from careless choosing.
Belief is everything: the unknown is scary, yes, but if you truly believe that good compatible homemates are out there, you will find them.
The belief that “everyone is a terrible housemate!” simply isn’t true. The world is full of kind, considerate people who seek the same peaceful home that you do.
An Empty House Can Be Scary, Too
Houses – especially large old houses – are full of quirks. Creaky staircases and floors, hissing radiators, the crack and creek of “settling” noises…any of these noises, often unexplainable in the moment, can be very unsettling. A windy day outside might make for an eerie moaning sound that echoes down the hallway.
Add in strange images caught on front door security cameras, flickering lights, household electronics behaving unusually, or the visual oddity of sunlight coming through the window and hitting a mirror…all of these things may explain why about 14% of Americans believe that they live in a haunted house.
I don’t know that I believe in ghosts, but I do know that it’s easier to spook yourself when you are alone and hyper-aware of every small noise.
The spectre of past lonely times in my life keeps me seeking out shared situations. After all, if your house is truly full of spirits, wouldn’t you rather also have some living housemates around to keep the ghost company, so that it’s not always having to bother you?
Image from Photo by Mike Ralph: https://www.pexels.com/photo/house-with-lights-on-near-trees-during-night-1690800/
For more reading: How to Avoid the Nightmare Housemate, The Unknown is Scary. or Roommates: Remembering the Bad Ones, Forgetting the Good Ones.
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