A Pew Research poll shows that the number of “doubled up” households–meaning, individuals in a platonic relationship under the same roof–is steadily increasing among all age groups. Approximately 30% of working-age adults live in a multi-person household. This is in part due to the increased cost of housing; last year median monthly rent in the US rose to more than $2,000, the highest ever.
I got these statistics from the Vox.com article ‘Living with roommates doesn’t have to suck.‘ Despite its inelegant title, I found the piece to be incredibly insightful and full of interesting statistics. It references a fascinating study about shared living and mental health conducted in South Korea, where researchers surveyed 834 single people aged 20-39. The study found that people who enter into shared housing agreements with a positive attitude experience increased mental health and roommate harmony. Whereas, people with a negative attitude experience more negative outcomes and dysfunction within shared housing.
Dorm Life
Andrew Warner, the author of the Vox article, likewise has a favorable attitude toward shared housing. He recalls his college experience living in a ‘triple’–three people together in a single room–to be an overall positive experience. He credits his Resident Advisor, or ‘RA’ – an upperclassman who lives on the hall and acts as a sort of “dorm parent” to freshman students. The ‘RA’ held a proactive beginning-of-the-year meeting about setting rules and boundaries with Andrew and his roommates.
I also enjoyed living in a dormitory during my four years of Undergrad. It’s fun to live with your peers full-time. But honestly I can’t remember an RA ever sitting us down and offering us advice, beyond the obvious things like “don’t be noisy after hours” and “don’t be a slob.” Instead I mostly just got lucky–all of my assigned roommates from freshman year onward were friendly and respectful.
Do It While It’s Easy
The Vox article also turned me on to the work of advice columnist Harlon Cohen, who specializes in helping people, especially college-aged students, navigate change and set goals. He’s the author of several books including The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College. Cohen’s tips include practical skills and advice for successfully living in close quarters with other people. One example is the “Uncomfortable Rule,” a parallel to the Sharing Housing concept of “do it while it is easy.” The Uncomfortable rule states that if you are uncomfortable with anything that is happening within the shared living space, address the issue within 24 to 48 hours. Otherwise, let it go.
Cohen is active on social media, and shared this ‘uncomfortable rule’ via TikTok. I love the idea of housemate advice being shared on social media. It can be a fantastic medium for getting a message across to a wide number of people – especially young people.
Societal attitudes toward shared housing
I can’t tell you the number of people who think of my lifestyle as ‘alternative,’ just because I am in my mid-30’s and live with others. Many Americans still seem to view it as something that only college kids and young people do. It’s assumed that at a certain point, one must buy a house or move into their own solo apartment. Statistics show us, however, that shared housing becomes more common every year, and has been the norm throughout much of history.
What if, instead of viewing college and the dorm experience as a short-term experience to be endured, we begin to frame it as an important time of interpersonal skill-building? Learning how to respectfully live with other people is an important lesson that will serve students for years. It will wind up being just as important as what they learn in University lecture halls.
I also wonder if we as a society can zoom out and adopt an overall “positive attitude” when it comes to sharing space. What if, instead of constantly bemoaning the rising cost of housing, we saw this as an opportunity? As more and more people move in with one another, whether out of necessity or by choice, I see the fabric of society quietly knitting itself back together. Instead of focusing on all of the ways our country is divided, and lacking, let’s focus on all of the ways that Americans can thrive by connecting with one another and sharing existing resources.
Read our related blog post “Do It While It’s Easy”.
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