I moved to Portland in my mid-twenties. Looking back the main thing that provided contentment and kept me grounded were the two wonderful homeshares that I lived in during my time there.
It was my first time living far away from my home in Maryland. I grew up, attended college and began adulthood all within a 50-mile radius of the city I was born in, so the move to Oregon was a big deal! Being 3,000 miles away from the people and place that I was familiar and comfortable with was an exciting adventure.
Social Life
I met people in my new city by joining several local social groups, including a film club that met every week at a local cinema. A social life may have kept me busy and entertained, but it was the home shares that made the difference. Being in a faraway city where you don’t have any family and few friends is challenging. I frequently experienced days of overwhelming loneliness.
I bring up these memories because…
Past Experience
I had plenty of experience with shared homes by the time I moved to Portland. During college and after graduation (working in the city of Washington DC) I lived in a series of apartments and homes populated with friends, friends-of-friends, and/or one of my siblings. Living together is common among young students and professionals, and it’s usually for budget reasons. Young people are especially likely to have income that’s not sufficient enough for them to comfortably afford a solo apartment. I know that for me and my peers, it never even occurred to us to live by ourselves.
Touchstones and Grounding
It took being far from home for me to realize that living with other people isn’t just about the practicality of saving money. Sharing a house or apartment with others also offers necessary emotional grounding. The small daily routines and touchstones that come from sharing a space with kind people–even people who start out as strangers–can be a core component of a satisfying, well-rounded life that feels fulfilling and connected.
First Home Share
I initially lived Southeast of the city, in a residential neighborhood called Sellwood. The large two-story house was owned by Deb and Michael, a retired couple who especially enjoyed renting to young people, helping them out with both an affordable place to live and breakfast–all the coffee and bagels I wanted, since they purchased both items in bulk.
My Space
My living area was the entire basement level of the house. It was a large room with several small, high windows and contained a double bed, bookshelf, desk, and rocking chair. In one corner was a small kitchenette consisting of a mini-fridge, microwave and toaster oven. I also had my own full bathroom. Shared areas of the house included the washer and dryer (next to my bathroom), and, upstairs, the full kitchen and also a sitting area with big picture windows.
This set-up allowed me plenty of privacy. I could enter through the back door of the house and go immediately down a short set of stairs leading to my bedroom door. I could come and go without disturbing Michael and Deb, nor interacting with them if I didn’t wish to.
Shared Space
But, I appreciated how the shared areas of the house allowed for as much interaction as I wanted. I rarely stayed in my room. Anytime I was at home and wanted to read or work on my laptop I would sit in the upstairs den, where Michael would also sometimes sit. And nearly every morning I had breakfast with Deb, who was usually at the kitchen table reading the newspaper when I went upstairs to make coffee and prepare a bagel. These routines were important touchstones.
There was a sweet old beagle named Chester, who usually stayed out of sight, on the second floor of the house where Deb and Michael’s private living spaces were. I didn’t see Chester too much; more often, I heard him. He moved slowly, and I remember being in the basement and being able to hear above me the distinct sound of him shuffling up or down the main staircase, one step at a time.
But Temporary
I stayed with Deb and Michael for two months–the arrangement upon moving in was that my stay would be temporary, as I got settled in the city and searched for longer term housing. Because I moved from far away and straight into their homeI did not do the full vetting and interview process that Annamarie teaches at Sharing Housing. I don’t necessarily recommend moving into a house sight-unseen–or, if you do, only doing it for a short period of time, as I did. I was lucky that Deb and Michael proved to be such wonderful housemates.
Second Home Share
When I moved out of their house it was into an apartment close to downtown, with two male housemates close to my age. I found that apartment through a widespread, thorough search, and after interviewing at (and saying ‘no thanks’ to) several shared households that weren’t quite the right fit. The apartment was also a lively household, one with enough positive and interesting experiences that it merits a separate, future blog post.
Check our our other posts about people sharing housing.
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