Nancy and John are an older couple, retired and living in a town outside of Boston. They have lived in their three-bedroom house for twenty years. They’ve had a number of short-term housemates and since 2018 three longer-term housemates and are thrilled with the decision to share their house.
How It Started
Their first longer term housemate came to Nancy and John in 2018 when they met Hani, a Syrian immigrant. Hani was volunteering as an interpreter for the Shriners Children’s Burn Center through the House of Peace on the North Shore. John met Hani through a mutual friend who also volunteered at the House of Peace. When Hani needed a place to live near Boston so he could look for a job, they offered him space in their house. It did not occur to them to look for another housemate when Hani left in 2019 until they begin to feel short of money in the summer of 2021.
Getting Some Tips
When the idea of having another housemate occurred to Nancy, she realized that a friend of a friend in a nearby town rented to medical students and had been doing it for years. She interviewed the woman and got some tips. One tip was to create a checklist of household routines (such as locking up at night) so that the housemate could understand what was expected of him/her. Another idea that has been useful is to create a list to orient the housemate to the area—grocery stores, discount stores, dry cleaners, town hall, libraries, etc. In addition they were advised not to get a lease, making it easier to end the relationship if it was not going well.
It took a year for John to agree to the idea of having another longer-term housemate. Nancy’s interest in doing this was about companionship, bringing energy into the house and increasing their income.
First Experiences Were Short-Term
Nancy says, “We are big political activists and in the beginning, before Hani, we offered spare bedrooms on a short-term basis to people who were working on the Elizabeth Warren campaign. We have two spare bedrooms—initially we offered housing to three different young men each of whom stayed five or six days. I think this was during the primary. When the general election season came, we had a two people who needed a place to crash for a few weeks while working for Warren. Of course they were really busy so we rarely saw them. They just needed a bed and a place to keep their clothes.”
In 2022, They Were Ready
John and Nancy tried to register to offer housing for medical students but could not get on the list. Nancy then got the idea to offer housing to law school students since the law school was less than a mile from their house. The upside of having a law student was twofold—John, a retired lawyer, could benefit from hearing about today’s law school experience and the law student could benefit from learning from John about the actual practice of law. So she picked up the phone and called the law school. Surprisingly enough the Dean answered the phone and when she explained why she was calling, the Dean put their name on the list for student housing. Soon after that, they got a phone call from their first law school housemate.
Their Experience
Nancy says, “We have two rooms and a full bath, and we offer kitchen and laundry privileges. The first student, was an Indian immigrant woman who lived with us for two years. When she interviewed with us she said she wouldn’t be using the kitchen which turned out to be true. She worked three jobs in addition to being a full time law student. We became close. She invited us to her wedding, but unfortunately we couldn’t go. John enjoyed mentoring her and we learned so much about her Indian culture and the immigrant experience.
“Our next housemate, the person who is with us now, is a Dominican young man who grew up in the Bronx and is just starting law school. He came for the interview with his girlfriend in early August. I met with them; John wasn’t home at the time.” When they called to say “yes we’ll take it” all four of them ended up meeting at a pub to talk.
Nancy continues, “Unlike our first housemate, this housemate does use the kitchen so we have had to think about how to schedule around each other. His girlfriend lives in New York and she comes by bus to visit, usually staying 4 to 5 days. She often prepares food for him to carry over when she isn’t here. Right now, John and I are out of the kitchen by 7:30. We are hoping that will work for the future.”
“Our experience is based having housemates who are out of the house much of the time,” Nancy says, “if they were around all the time, I’m not sure if that would work for us.”
Rule
“My one rule, as I need my sleep, is quiet after 10 PM. I haven’t heard either of them. And the truth is we do a lot of yelling ourselves in the living room, reacting to politics and to sports games like the World Series. We can be loud but we try to be respectful.”
Tasks
“Our housemates have not been formally asked to do tasks for the house. But they have been very helpful when it comes to tech assistance and our current housemate is very tall and very strong so he was able (and willing!) to help me remove the air conditioner from the window and to pull down some stubborn storm windows. Without that help, we would have had to get help from my sons who live a ways away. We do pay a house cleaner who comes in every two weeks and we always ask if our housemate wants to have his space cleaned.”
John’s Parents Set the Example
John grew up in a small town outside Indianapolis. The house had five acres and room for him and his two brothers. After they had all grown up and left the house, his parents were aware that people needed housing so they started taking in high school foreign exchange students. John says “I kinda got used to meeting foreigners in my own home. It was delightful. My parents greatly benefited from this. It was a wonderful thing, quite a thing.”
Benefits of Living Like This
John says, “We get many benefits from sharing our house. Hani, our first long term housemate, has become a close friend. We have watched him go to work for Partners in Health, marry, move to Ohio and now he is a father of two. Our lovely Indian housemate is now married and keeps up with us weekly by text or email. She has recently shared with us the beautiful photos of their honeymoon in Bali. So we have gained close friends and shared with them the joys of their unfolding lives.”
“The rent isn’t the whole value, although it helps. I have learned about current law school courses and I have taught our housemates about the career of law. All three of them have come from different cultures so we have learned a great deal about life in India, the Middle East and the Caribbean. I didn’t realize how much value I’d get out of it. I’ve made meaningful friends who I could call anytime.”
Introductions to Neighbors
Both John and Nancy thought it would be good to introduce their housemates to their small cul-de-sac neighborhood. Nancy says, “We introduced our Syrian housemate to our neighbors by hosting a mini concert because he’s a classical guitarist. So about eight people came and they all got to meet him. When our Indian housemate came, we invited two couples for breakfast to meet her. We haven’t yet been able to find a time to do anything like that with our current housemate.”
What would you say to someone considering sharing housing?
“I would say that it is a worthwhile experience; it really has changed our lives. But you have to be aware of your own boundaries and take them into account when you decide with whom you want to share housing and what your arrangement will be with that person. You will not only be opening your house to someone, you will be opening yourself to that person. Choose wisely!”
Like this? You might like Accordian House.
Leave a Reply