Last month, a study of remote workers–those whose jobs allow them to work from home–revealed that staying at home isn’t necessarily great for mental health. Compared with office workers, the number of remote employees who report visits to mental health providers, symptoms of anxiety and depression, and/or use of psychiatric medication has steadily increased since remote work became widespread in 2020.
The survey also found that remote workers spent more time alone outside of work hours than ‘non-remotable’ workers, including many days where they had no human interaction whatsoever. It seems the law of inertia applies: the more time we spend at home, the easier it is to stay there.
And yet, remote work is popular and has obvious benefits: no lengthy commute, greater flexibility and autonomy, having the comfort of pets and personal items close by. Previous surveys have shown that workers would be willing to take a 4 to 10% cut in pay in order to stay home rather than reporting to an office.
Does living alone follows the same pattern?
If asked, many of us might say that we prefer to live alone. Who doesn’t enjoy going to bed whenever they want, watching television on top volume, leaving a sink full of dirty dishes without anyone complaining? A space that is all your own, where you never have to compromise or alter your routine habits.
But does living alone necessarily lead to a happier, more fulfilling life? A self-sufficient home can easily be a place to self-isolate, and, the law of inertia applies: the more you stay at home alone, the harder it can become to get out of the house to see friends, visit a coffee shop or simply be around other people.
One study found that people who live alone report higher rates of depression, but with an important caveat–the higher rates were seen among those who also reported a lack of strong social connections outside their home. Living alone wasn’t necessarily the problem; social isolation was.
The message is clear, and it’s something many of us may know intuitively: our health and well-being depends on having a robust network of friends, acquaintances, and community members.
We Need People in Our Lives
Having people in our lives is good for us, like vegetables and physical exercise are good for us.
There is such a thing as “social fitness.” Maintaining relationships takes effort! We may not always be in the mood to interact with other people, whether it be our loved ones or the checkout clerk at the grocery store. But, research suggests that daily interaction with other people, whether it be a lengthy conversation with someone you know or just passing small talk with a stranger like a cashier or fellow bus passenger, is necessary for maintaining our mental and physical health. Virtual conversations help too–a long phone conversation with a friend can be just as enriching as an in-person catch-up.
The problem is…
The modern world has made maintaining social fitness more difficult than ever. Technology allows us to stay perpetually home alone, if we so wish. We can mail order anything we could possibly want or need from Amazon, and numerous services deliver everything from groceries to restaurant take-out to pre-prepped, easy-to-cook meals. Telehealth services allow for consulting a physician over the phone or a video call. No need for a long wait at the medical office.
All of these things are well and good. They save time and energy for busy people and can be a genuine lifeline for the elderly or those with limited mobility. Having the choice to conduct most of daily life’s necessities of daily life through a computer is a modern marvel.
But, as it gets easier to stay home alone, most of us are choosing to do just that. The number of Americans who report eating every meal alone increases with each passing year.
The comfort of solitude–and the need for connection
I know this tendency in myself. I enjoy my own company and often eat alone. I happily spend long amounts of time reading, listening to podcasts, cooking, taking long walks and watching movies. After a day or two of limited human interaction, however, I notice a change. I feel slightly anxious and less grounded.
The Journalist Derek Thompson has argued that we aren’t necessarily experiencing a loneliness epidemic so much as entering an “anti-social century,” where human beings no longer need to interact face-to-face in order to survive. Social media, streaming entertainment and endless digital distractions make solitude comfortable and can mask the gradual loss of genuine social connection.
And so, how to maintain social fitness?
Especially if you are retired or work remotely and spend most of your waking hours inside your home. One of the simplest–and most effective–is to live with another person, or several people. Living under the same roof naturally creates opportunities for daily social interaction as well as cooperation and long-term connection. If chosen carefully, a good housemate or mates can serve as an easy way for us to maintain our social fitness, an antidote to a world that is increasingly the opposite: one of effortless isolation.
Ready to find the right people to share your home with? The Sharing Housing Kit — the book, workbook, and interviewing guide — walks you through exactly how to do it: from getting clear on what you want, to screening candidates, to asking the right questions before you commit. Get the Kit and start building the social fitness that comes from living well with others.
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