I have been living with my housemate for a year. Here’s how it has changed my life.
Company
I have company. During the days, most days, I’m busy with various work-related activities. The evening is when I want to relax. When I was living alone I’d spend huge chunks of time by myself. In our society, it’s easy to spend lots of time alone because we don’t have natural ways to hang out with people when we want to. Sometimes I would think ahead to how long it would be before I saw another person. Yes, I could and did make plans with friends, but I’d also get very annoyed by how much planning was necessary. What ever happened to just hanging out? Now my housemate and I eat dinner together and companionably sit in front of the fire afterwards. Sometimes we watch something, sometimes listen to music. I do crossword puzzles on my iPhone and knit, he reads on his tablet. Company — not necessarily deep conversations. Hanging out.
Finances
My finances are a whole lot healthier! I’m no longer carrying the whole cost of having a home by myself. As a result, when the opportunity to join a friend in France for a week came my way, I said “yes.” And when my housemate said that one week was not enough time to be in Europe, I added a week to my trip. I’m still going to be low budget but that’s okay, I’m going to have an adventure. An adventure I couldn’t have afforded without the help of my housemate’s rent.
Food
I no longer have to shop for food. This was a real surprise. When we interviewed, my housemate said he wanted to do meals together. What I didn’t know then is that he would also do all the cooking. He’s a good cook. Really good cook. And while I might wish for more vegetarian meals and more veggies, as long as he’s cooking, I’m not complaining! I’ve made a point of telling him that I appreciate it and he should let me know if he wants to change the pattern. Our arrangement is quite unusual and not expected. It does speak to how a housemate might help life in ways that are surprising.
Tasks
When he moved in he immediately took over those tasks that are traditional for men—lawn care, garbage, shoveling, bringing wood in for the woodstove. He also bought us cartons of paper towels, tissues and toilet paper. We seem to have a never ending supply! All of this is a big help. We’ve also agreed to pay a house cleaner – something I can now afford.
Music
About three weeks into living with me, he asked whether I ever listen to music. It was a fair question because I’d gotten used to not playing background music when my partner of twenty-three years was alive. Though my partner loved music he didn’t like it in the background. He listened with headphones on in his office. In our common space he preferred silence. My parents also didn’t like background music so it’s not natural to me. At first my housemate was unsure that I really meant that I like it, but I do. It’s a good change in the house. He has a Sirrius station called “Coffee House Classics” that plays oldies but goodies.
Home Additions
My housemate is generous. He has bought a few things for the house.. The smoker was the first item. (I wrote about this here.) At Christmas time he suprised me with a very good espresso machine. When he moved in I had one. It died about 6 weeks later. That machine had been given to me and I just returned to making my lattes with an AeroPress. When my housemate moved in he bought himself a Kuerig for coffee that had nice foamer which I was quite happy to use. Turns out, though I didn’t know this, he wasn’t happy with the coffee the Kuerig made. The espresso machine was a big surprise and is a lovely addition to our kitchen. He’s now also bought a Bluetooth sound system of higher quality than what I had before and a vacuum for downstairs.
Is It Luck?
It is also true that my housemate is kind, sensitive, and responsible. He is cleaner than I am. He notices what needs to be done and does them. I feel very fortunate. My life is more comfortable.
Some people reading this might think I just got lucky. I don’t think so, I think good things can happen when we’re looking for them and know how to approach the task. I did follow the process that I teach in my book, Sharing Housing, A Guidebook for Finding and Keeping Good Housemates. You too can use the process.
Who knows how a housemate would change your life?
Interested in learning more about how I got here? Here are blog posts I wrote along the way.
- I Don’t Like Living Alone
- Modifying My Space for Shared Housing Comfort,
- A Little Help From Friends
- How I Found My New Housemate
- A Smoker! Who Knew?
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